Screams of Silence
by AndThenWeWere
Summary: Severus visits Albus' tomb. Written for the Represent That Character! challenge.


Severus Snape first went to visit Dumbledore's grave three weeks after he had killed him.

His long black robes had swirled out behind him, his skin had been pale and icy, and he had felt lucid and bitter and sad. His voice was cracked and he recalled being so purely _angry _that he had shaken with rage.

"Albus," he had hissed, his hands clutching the side of the burial, "you have dropped a position upon me I am sure I will not be able to handle. I am unable to do so much, not anymore….."_Not without you, _he wanted to say. He didn't. Instead, he drew in a shaky breath.

"I have killed you."

The words themselves were enough to rip his heart in half, and perhaps they did. He had lost Lily, he had lost the love of his life, and now he had lost his mentor, the only person left that had truly cared about him. They were the words that made him want to curl up and _die,_ because that's what he _deserved. _That's what he _wanted._

But more than that, Severus wanted to cry. He wanted to show the dead man how lost he truly was, but instead, he had placed his head down on the cool metal of the other's grave, and he had felt calm, almost as if the spirit of Albus Dumbledore had been with him.

* * *

><p>Severus visited Dumbledore's grave again, three months after the first.<p>

"Albus," he had said, "the Dark Lord…He is rising. He is gaining power. I cannot stop him. I can do nothing. I am not powerful. Not like you," he had whispered, but his words, although quiet, were as loud and powerful as screams.

"I am alone," he had said after hours of silence, and all the losses he had suffered returned to him at once.

"I am so, so sorry."

He turned and walked away, and no one, not even Albus Dumbledore himself, could ever have guessed how truly _sorry_ Severus Snape really was.

* * *

><p>The first time Severus had cried in 17 years- the last one being after Lily's death- was not in the aftermath of Dumbledore, but when he was losing. When he <em>knew <em>he was losing. When he knew he was losing both the internal and the external battles, and it was then that he wanted to let his guard down, to _stop. _He was angry- _God, _he was angry- but he was confused and sad and _lost, _and Albus was his map.

"I need help. I cannot locate the Potter, the stupid idiot, and the Dark Lord is becoming more and more reliant on me. I am afraid."

These words, these seemingly simple words, had been said to the tomb of Albus Dumbledore with such pure _need _that even Severus could feel the power that he was tucked away inside of his sentences.

It was the first time he had ever said the words, at least out loud, but it was true. It was truer than true. He was terrified and apprehensive because he _knew _that one day he would have to fight a war. He knew the he would most likely die. He didn't want to die. He wanted to live in place of Albus, who couldn't. He wanted to live for Lily, to show her that he was brave and strong and worthy. He wanted to live because he _needed _to witness the fall of the Dark Lord for himself.

"Albus-" he had begun, but he could say nothing more. Red-hot tears had poured from his small black eyes, sliding down from his hooked nose, and onto the grave of the one he missed so greatly.

And then almost as quickly as it had begun, though, it was over, and Severus composed himself. He wiped his cheeks, straightened his disgruntled robes, and walked away.

* * *

><p>The last time Severus visited Albus' grave was two weeks before the war. His hair had gotten greasier, his skin had gotten paler, and he had lost weight.<p>

"I have located Potter," he had told the old headmaster. "He has found the Sword of Gryffindor. He's destroying horcruxes. He knows, Albus. He will defeat the Dark Lord-" he paused and coughed slightly, resting his black-robe clad elbows on top of the marble-y tomb- "and himself in the process."

_It's the hero's downfall, _he had thought. _Sometimes the only way to kill the enemy is to off yourself as well._

"I remember when you saved me," Severus said a few moments later, voice quiet and breathy. "I was all alone. I was on the brink. You saved me, and I killed you, and I regret it every day of my life. I can't hold this in, Albus! If you had been here, even just a few more weeks, this would have been easy! I'm tired," he whispered. He bit his lip and pulled up the sleeve of his robe where his inky tattoo lay.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, closing his eyes to hold back more tears.

He walked away.

Severus was never to visit the grave again.

* * *

><p>The tomb was peaceful, although lonesome. Occasionally, Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley would visit it, together. To them, it was peaceful. It gave them solitude; knowing that their old headmaster rested there peacefully and safely.<p>

What they didn't know were the things that had happened there- how on the site of this grave, one man had spilled the final tears of his life, and how that same man had uttered things he had never dared to utter before. They didn't know that it in itself was a battlefield, not the only one of its kind.

Because when Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley went to visit the tomb, it was nothing more than a tomb, if not a sad and depressing one.

But when Severus Snape visited the tomb, it was a product of his own demise.

* * *

><p>No one could love more purely than Severus Snape.<p> 


End file.
